• Group dating is common until two people in the group establish that they want to get serious.
• Declaring your love isn't jumping the gun — it's establishing that you're serious about starting a relationship.
• Professional matchmaking is making a comeback among busy Japanese people who don't have time for dating.
• If you're a non-Japanese person who is dating a Japanese person, don't assume that everything is a cultural difference. Some things are personality quirks, not cultural ones.

Let's face it: Dating is hard everywhere. Everyone who has ever dated anyone has their own tales of woe just the cultural differences that vary from place to place. If you have a mixed-culture group of friends where you live, you may already have witnessed the tip of this particular iceberg.

This is by no means a comprehensive guide, but here are some of the things you might experience on the dating scene in Japan.

Premium International Japanese Dating. Started in 2005, JapanCupid is part of the well-established Cupid Media network that operates over 30 reputable niche dating sites. As one of the largest Japanese dating sites, we have thousands of Japanese women signing up everyday interested in meeting someone like you. Unlike Japan, California is a true melting pot of cultures but since I had so little dating experience back home, I was nervous about getting into the dating scene in America. Mostly because I had no idea how the American dating culture worked. I think there’s a free trial. For questions and topics related to meeting and dating in Japan, or Japanese people abroad. Created May 16, 2014. Find them in United States: Asian dating with beautiful Asian women. I am looking for a.

It's not uncommon in America to do things as a group of friends. Maybe you'll go see a movie, grab a bite to eat, go to a party — the potential list is endless. But most Americans go on a date in pairs rather than groups.

In Japan, group dating — or goukon — commonly happens first. It's a way to gauge mutual interest and suitability, as well as mix with a potential partner's friends.

You might think that this sounds low-pressure compared with American dating customs. But there's still plenty to stress about.

'Lots of young people don't really date because it can be expensive (for guys) and stressful — the women I know always worried so much about what kind of outfit to wear because it would affect the 'type' their date assumed them to be. Everything has a label here- there are so many different 'types' of men and women, girls and boys,' Beth Daniels — an American who has lived and worked in Japan for several years — told INSIDER.

The practice of kokuhaku (confession of love and/or interest) often starts the Japanese dating process. This makes things simpler in a lot of ways according to Yumi Nakata of GaijinPot. Nakata was born and raised in Japan, and then moved to the US for school.

According to Nakata, with kokuhaku, you're not left wondering if someone is interested in you as a love prospect. Both men and women can be the first one to make a move, and you'll get an answer about whether your would-be object of affection is interested in you very quickly.

Public displays of affection may be common in the US, but not in Japan

'On my first date with my 'ex' we obviously clicked so I expected at least a little kiss at the station before we went our separate ways, but all I got was a stiff hug,' Jen McIntosh, an American studying in Japan, told The Japan Times.

'I analyzed it to death and a friend who had been in a relationship with a Japanese man for three years told me that I was lucky to get a hug in a public place. I wasn't expecting to make out in front of everyone, but I did get irritated when he would never hold my hand or touch my knee on the train.'

Dating partners' ways of expressing emotions can differ significantly

'Ways in which feelings, and love in particular, are expressed can lead to frustration. [Westerners] expect more direct verbal expression and physical contact, whereas the Japanese partner may not feel comfortable with this kind of expression. Nonverbal communication, subtle signs are highly valued in Japan and if they are not noticed by the Western partner, frustration and resentment follow,' Tokyo-based psychotherapist Dr. Ana Maloyan-Kishida told The Japan Times.

'Traditional matchmaking (omiai) is still around, and according to some people is making a comeback because nobody has enough free time to waste it on happenstance meetings, as it were. It takes a long time to get to know someone. The appeal of the traditional matchmaker is that everyone is vetted by a pro, their priorities and stats have been compared to yours and deemed acceptable as a possible good fit,' Daniels told INSIDER.

Routines are comforting and useful to all of us, especially when we're very busy. But they also make your chances of meeting someone new more difficult. Even if you live in a big city and don't drive, you might still catch the same bus every day, or walk to the same train stop and see the same people with little to no variation.

'The main problem everyone agrees on is that it's really, really hard to meet new people organically. Japanese society itself kind of prevents it, because everyone sticks to their little groups- work, hobbies, family, classmates. If you wanna to meet new people you have to change your workplace, or take up a new pursuit, like yoga classes or a team sport,' Daniels told INSIDER.

When you don't have a lot of time to spend on dating, you want a sure thing before you jump in. So while online dating sites are available, they aren't necessarily anyone's first choice.

'Lots of people use dating sites, but don't like the uncertainty plus the timesuck,' Daniels told INSIDER.

But sometimes what you may think is a cultural difference just comes down to a personality quirk

'What may be an individual struggle with closeness or a deeply seated fear of intimacy may be interpreted as a cultural phenomenon. I have seen people who have tolerated bizarre behavior in their partner, justifying it as cultural difference. Only later on, have they become aware that this was pathological behavior, even within the cultural context,' Dr. Maloyan-Kishida told The Japan Times.

Mami Suzuki — a Japanese woman who dated and eventually married a Canadian man — agrees.

'Long before meeting him I had learned from movies and television that Western people aren't shy about kissing in public, but I didn't know that they also wouldn't mind farting in public. I don't know. It may only be my husband. Yeah, it probably is,' Suzuki wrote for Tofugu.

Sign up here to get INSIDER's favorite stories straight to your inbox.

Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan?
Well, then this post is exactly what you’ve been looking for!

However, if you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place.
There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me!

Before we start talking about “Dating in Japan” one thing should be crystal clear:

Dating Experience is Different for Foreign Women and Men

If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. And at the same time, there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them.

You might ask yourself why is that?
Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!

A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. For some reason (maybe through the consumption of too many Hollywood movies) Japanese women think that foreign men are like that! They’re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them.

Of course, having a foreign boyfriend is also “cool” and “exotic“. Some just use those poor guys as cute little “accessories“.
The extreme version of this is known as “gaijin hunter” and some will do everything for the sake of having one of those adorable “half”-kids (half Western, half Japanese) just to toss their foreign guy later on.

For foreign women, it’s a completely different story.
Japanese men seem to expect certain things from a woman. Things that they fear a foreign woman would not agree to do (e.g. stay-home moms, always pour new alcohol into his empty glass etc.).
Maybe they also think that a foreign woman might expect from their man that he’s telling his feelings straight out several times a day, something a shy Japanese man just won’t do.

Another problem is that many of the Japanese men seem to be afraid of their English ability and thus fail to approach a foreign woman.
Most foreign men on the other hand, have no issues approaching a Japanese woman in English – or even in broken Japanese.

These are just a few theories by friends, co-workers and myself. I’m sure you have your own and there’s much more behind all this.

Dating in Japan as a Foreign Man:

As a result, dating in Japan is usually quite easy for men.
At least getting one woman after another into your bed, is really easy, even if you’re quite ugly!
For some reason, Japanese women seem to find even ugly foreign guys attractive …..

It might be a bit more difficult if you’re looking for a serious relationship as there are those women I mentioned earlier who either want you as “exotic accessory” or just want your DNA to create a cute “half-child”.

All in all, it is comparably easy for a Western foreign man to find a Japanese woman or to have a nice relationship here in Japan.
For some guys, it really gets to their heads and they start bragging about it like crazy. They suffer from the so-called superstar syndrome.

Dating in Japan as a Foreign Woman:

For (Western) foreign women in Japan it’s a completely different story.
Japanese guys are often too shy or even scared and the majority of Western men is only interested in Japanese / Asian women.
As a result it is extremely tough to find a date as a foreign woman here in Japan.

Japanese Dating In The Usa For The First Time

It is by far not impossible and I know quite a few girls who don’t only have a Japanese boyfriend, but are also married to a Japanese guy, but it is still the BIG exception!

Some of us will go through a hard time here in Japan.
You’ll start to feel completely unattractive and ignored at times.
Of course, you get a lot of attention and there’s all this staring, but it’s not because anybody is flirting with you … or at least you don’t know the difference anymore.

It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women.

Japanese Dating In The Usa 2020

Differences in Relationships:

I personally know a few couples where either the man or the woman is foreign and I noticed quite a lot of differences in the kind of relationship they have.

Japanese Dating In The Usa 2020

Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that.

Foreign Man + Japanese Woman:

In relationships where the man is foreign, I noticed that they mostly speak his native language. Although they live in Japan and sometimes even have children together who also speak Japanese, the foreign guys don’t / can’t speak Japanese.

I also experienced that they’re unable to do anything on their own. Just one example is a co-worker of mine. When I asked him how he obtained his cellphone or credit card, he said his wife did everything for him.
Consequently, a lot of foreign men in Japan don’t see the need to study Japanese, because their wives will take care of all the important things.

One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance. He actually needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.

Because of all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. I noticed that those kinds of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.

Foreign Woman + Japanese Man:

For the opposite constellation, you’ll see that in most(!) cases the woman speaks Japanese. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue.

They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their Japanese partner who is at work most of the time anyway.

The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. Most of the time those kinds of Japanese men who get into a relationship with a foreign woman are more open-minded and have some experience with foreign culture because they’ve lived or studied abroad for a while. And even those who haven’t, seem to accept that there are cultural differences. So, they don’t expect the same they would from a Japanese woman.

All the couples I know of have a relatively harmonic relationship. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all, they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.

Conclusion: Dating in Japan

There’s so much more that could be said about this topic. I’d love to discuss it with you, so get involved in the comment section below.
I’m sure everyone has their own opinion and experience with this.

All I want you to keep in mind is that as a guy you should not let it get to your head because suddenly you get all this attention from beautiful women.
And as a foreign girl you should keep in mind that your time in Japan – at least in terms of romantic relationships – could be quite lonely at times.

Japanese Dating Sites For Americans

Read on:

If you still want to read more, here are some great books on “Dating in Japan”:

• Understanding Japanese Women by Jonathan C. Richards
• How to Meet Japanese Women by Evan Carter
• True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan by Yuta Aoki(who’s also written a dating article on my blog)

Japanese Singles In America

Never miss any blog posts and important updates and
SIGN UP TO OUR NEWSLETTER!